Wednesday, February 8, 2012

I felt my life with both my hands

"... to see if it was there 
I held my spirit to the Glass,
To prove it possibler..."
- Emily Dickinson

How long can you live with the idea of being loved, or having a loved one? What does it mean to love someone? Do expectations define love or is it mere selfishness on your part to assert your desires on the other.  Every relationship is defined with a certain kind of power equation. Power of one over another – powerlessness of the other to assert his/her will. Entrapped in this web of deviated power equations, we try to seek meaning for ourselves. Can love be forever? Yes, if you’ve impaired memory or you derive a sadistic pleasure from self-derision. It can only be romanticized if after some time you look back and remember only the good moments you were a part of. But life isn’t like that nor is any relationship that one forms during his/her lifetime. We live in binaries – be it of pain or pleasure; love or indifference; - and somewhere along the way, we learn to adapt ourselves in the overlapping median between these binaries. Seeking pleasure in pain is one such anomaly that arises due to the unequal shift.

Why is going to either of the extreme ends not recommendable? Gradual change allows one to adapt, but a sudden jolt needs courage. For starters, one would find oneself alone. Is it the misery of being alone, or just an illusion to keep oneself in a safe zone? Like all such moments, this one will pass too but one needs to remember moments like these because they irk you with their unquestionable importance. Maybe a change now could make things better or maybe it will go downhill after that. But how would one know, if one never tries.


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